The book “Unapologetically Ambitious: Take Risks, Break Barriers, and Create Success on Your Own Terms” landed on my reading list through the Penn Alumni book club. The author, Shellye Archambeau, is an alumni too, so I read it not only because I found the premise interesting, but also to support a fellow alumn – in the hopes that one day I’ll be the book lined up for the Penn Alumni book club!
The title also resonated, because I identify as unapologetically ambitious – even if the way I define my ambitions is not the way most others do (I’m not trying to climb any corporate ladders or break through glass ceilings, but rather, to build my dream life which involves living on a farm and growing my own food, playing with equines and mushroom hunting on a whim…).
The unexpected, the inspiring, the somewhat disappointing
Archambeau is smart, she’s driven, and she describes an aptitude to stick to her decisions without letting others dissuade her. I am often the same way. I didn’t expect that level of relatability, but it drove home how hard it is to put such an attitude forward without it coming across as almost “too good to be true” as I suspect others might wonder “ok, great, but how do I do that?”
I loved it when the author mentioned that she wasn’t aiming to write just one book, which freed her to narrow down the focus of this (first) memoir. That’s a brilliant framing, and one that I’ll make a point of remembering as I work on my first memoir!
From Archambeau’s story, what I found the most impressive wasn’t her rising through the ranks (though that certainly qualifies as such), but her capacity to set goals and priorities, and to budget her life around them. I am ok at math but I never learned to budget properly (or so it feels), and I hate to feel constrained by money – which is silly, perhaps, as if I budgeted a bit more I could probably achieve more, but there you have it.
Another element that left me in awe was the way Archambeau describes the teamwork she and her husband display every step of the way. I hope it was as smooth over the years (not to say easy) as she made it sound.
Last, an element that rubbed me the wrong way: Archambeau glosses over motherhood in a way that left me wanting. I understand that wasn’t the focus of this memoir, but she addresses her cold turkey approach to breastfeeding in a sentence. As a mother, I wish she had given that struggle a bit more air time, if nothing else to make readers pause and realize just how crazy the system is.
I think overall, I was left with a sense that she skimmed the surface at times when I would have liked her to go deep – because otherwise, looking back at some of my favorite quotes, it feels like the “lukewarm” feeling I have about this memoir isn’t logical.
Caveat: I may not be the target audience
A rather big caveat to all of the above is that by the end of the book, I reached the conclusion that I wasn’t in fact Archambeau’s target audience. She seems to be targeting young professionals so they have the possibility of leveraging her experience and insights towards achieving their ambitions.
That said, the sort-of-instructions at the end of the book struck me as not enough for those who don’t already benefit from being wired in a way similar to Archambeau, and it felt like the content came across a touch condescending. I hope I’m wrong, all the more so because I’m not sure how she could have done better.
Some favorite quotes
“Self-assurance is the ability to say yes to yourself when most people around you are saying no. It’s the power of believing in your own ability to make choices about your life – and not just to make choices, but to make them responsibly.”
“We become self-determined people when we are fulfilled in three psychological areas: competence, autonomy, and relatedness. In a nutshell, competence is the ability to handle yourself, autonomy is the sense that you can make your own choices and look out for your interests; and relatedness means feeling like you fit in. Research shows that if you don’t have all three, you’ll be more likely to struggle or withdraw from challenges. But if you do manage to strengthen all of them, you will be prepared to set your own life goals and reach them.”
“As I found my limits, I internalized the concept that I can have anything I want, just not all at the same time.”
“I hate the phrase work-life balance. The word balance implies a fixed equilibrium, a two-arm scale with equal weights on each arm. That’s just not how life works. If we hold balance as the standard for success, we’re bound to feel like we’re failing. […] That’s why I prefer the term work/life integration. […] While the standard of balance can feel limiting (if not impossible), the concept of integration is empowering – it’s an invitation to get creative.”
“How do I really make my life work? I don’t put on one hat and take off another; I wear all my hats, all the time.”
“That’s the message I hope to pass on to the next generation: You don’t have to apologize for being who you are and making the choices you make. You deserve the chance to shape the life you want and to celebrate and enjoy the life you’ve created.”
“… saying yes to one thing is saying no to another. This is true not only for how you spend your money, but also for how you spend your time. Both resources are finite, so you’ve got to budget.”
“I learnt an important lesson about how to talk to executives, particularly male ones: concisely and efficiently. Make your point first, and then share context and support for it.”
“Don’t think about how to make yourself look good; think about how to make everyone’s job easier. Work with people by helping them. Make it so that, after thirty days, they’re wondering how they ever managed without you.”
Craft take away
A few lessons I will try and take with me as I work on my writing include:
- Memoirs benefit from clear framing and the exclusion of unrelated content
- Having a clear target audience isn’t enough, it has to be the right target audience
- What resonates with me is going a bit deeper and letting more imperfections shine through, if done with honesty and in a humble way
- Writing a memoir is easy. Writing an outstanding memoir – by my standards – is off-the-charts challenging.
One Response
Great review Shahnaz! I like the way you organized this review, especially with the ‘craft takeaways’ at the bottom, since I also read as a means to help me with my writing goals. Based on your review, I’m still not sure if I’ll read this, but this was a nice snapshot of what I might expect from it if I do decide to in the future.